Tools
Name the feeling, sit with where it came from, and find what you're actually asking for. Built on the Feeling Wheel developed by Dr Gloria Willcox in 1982.
Gloria Willcox was a therapist working in transactional analysis in Florida when she noticed the same obstacle again and again: people arrived in the room knowing something was wrong but only able to say “bad”, “fine” or “stressed”. Without more exact words, there was little to work with. So in 1982 she drew a wheel — six feelings at the centre, each opening outward into finer shades — and published it in the Transactional Analysis Journal. The idea was simple and has held up well: naming a feeling precisely makes it easier to understand, easier to say out loud, and easier to act on. Later research on putting feelings into words suggests the act of naming can also take some of the heat out of them.
Six feelings sit at the centre. Each opens into more exact words, and those open again. Tap a wedge to travel outwards — tap it again to close.
Each ring outward is a more precise version of the same feeling.
Start with the closest of the six. You can get more exact in a moment.
Closer to it?
Pick any that fit.
Exactly which shade?
The furthest ring. Skip it if the word above is already right.
Write as little or as much as you want. Nothing here has to be tidy.
What happened?
The moment, the conversation, the thought that started it.
Have I felt this before?
Feelings often arrive early, carrying something older with them.
Is there anything underneath it?
Anger often protects hurt. Busyness often hides fear. Check what's below the surface.
In my own words
If none of those land, name it yourself.
What would meet that, even a little, today?
One small thing that's actually within reach.
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The six core feelings and the outward rings follow the Feeling Wheel created by Dr Gloria Willcox, first published in the Transactional Analysis Journal in 1982. The questions about needs draw on Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication and Leslie Greenberg's Emotion-Focused Therapy. Wording in the outer rings varies between reproductions of the wheel.